Shades
by SammyQuill
Summary: Fifty shades of Renji and Rukia's life, written in fifty theme format with three sentences per theme.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, if I did, Ulquiorra would not have died and Kisuke and Yoruichi would be a canon couple, complete with many public displays of affection. **

**I also do not own the fifty themes I used to write this but stole them – with permission – from **_**Contessa Hime**_**. Thank you for letting me mess around with them, sweet, I'll write you some sannin porn soon! **

**Honorable mentions: firstly, thank you **_**FlameTwirler**_** and **_**Sureasdawn**_** for your excellent beta skillz! You girls are made of awesome. **

**Also, thank you to my super sexy ninja, **_**Denilmo**_**, for first introducing me to this ship when I started watching Bleach. I owe you porn too, I know! **

**And lastly, to all the cougars in the Den, congratulations on reaching more than four thousand posts, you ladies make my corner of the world so much brighter. I less than three you all! **

**~~~~~~~~xxxxxx~~~~~~~~**

**Comfort:**

They say when you're out of food, shelter or hope, you grab on to the first thing that doesn't try to kill you or cause you bodily harm. They say that thing becomes your one comfort and solace in the world because you simply have nothing else to anchor you. That's how Rukia had first viewed him, her overbearing, tenacious, red headed anchor to the world, and to herself.

**Kiss:**

Renji couldn't be having such thoughts, it was Rukia! _**Rukia**__, for heaven's sake!_ Yet, the way her lips curved into a soft smile made him wonder what it would be like to feel that smile on _his_ lips…

**Soft:**

Byakuya was nobility and nobility came at a price. Namely, one had to conduct himself at all times in an appropriate manner and make sure his family and underlings did the same. But still, Byakuya couldn't find it in him to reprimand his sister and his newly instated vice captain for unashamedly playing in the snow outside.

**Pain:**

Rukia used to wonder how much pain it took to break a Shinigami's resolve. She also swore to herself that were she faced with as much pain, she would never give in. She didn't know then that all it would take for someone to break her was to threaten her Renji.

**Worry:**

"Rukia, you were supposed to be back _hours_ ago!"

"Jeez, Renji. I can look after myself you know, you do not have to worry."

"I wasn't… you wish, Kuchiki!"

**Whimsy:**

The first time she kissed Renji, it was on a whim. The second kiss, which followed soon after, was a whim of his. After that, many kisses followed and both lost track of who started what.

**Waste:**

Renji sometimes wondered how many sketchbook pages Rukia went through each day. What a waste of paper, seeing as her drawings weren't exactly masterpieces of art. But still, if it made her happy, then he would keep spending his hard earned salary on more notebooks and drawing pads.

**Happiness: **

They were not a _couply_ couple… far from it. They didn't hold hands in public, they didn't exchange kisses for greeting, they didn't even give each other nicknames. Yet, just the way they looked at each other told Orihime how happy her two friends were – and made her long for the same special feeling with a certain someone.

**War:**

Aizen was making his move. Every Shinigami in and outside of Soul Society was preparing for battle. Renji wondered how hard Rukia would punch him if he so much as suggested she sit this one out.

**Ears:**

"Wha-what did you say..?"

"Aw, Rukia. I'm not going to repeat myself; it was embarrassing enough the first time."

"Well, if you want "_yes_" for an answer, you will have to repeat it, and say it slowly this time so I can understand you."

**Name:**

"You do realize that you will be a Kuchiki after this?"

"Or you could just go by Abarai Rukia."

"Hmm… I think I like the sound of that better."

**Sensual:**

These days, Rukia had to do almost nothing to turn him on. She could just be sitting on their bed, her knees curled beneath her as she concentrated on yet another bunny drawing and he would find himself irresistibly drawn to her. Whoever said passion diminished after marriage clearly had no idea what they were talking about.

**Death:**

The first time she had seen him cry, alone in a dark corner of Rukongai, she had not dared ask the reason because the unspoken ruffian rule stated clearly that you don't ask such things. The second time, it had been at Squad Four Headquarters as she'd fought for her life after the battle with Aizen was over. Now, as she told him the baby she had been carrying in her womb – his baby – was gone, she could feel his tears mingling with hers as they held on to each other.

**Sex:**

Rukia has never told Renji this, but he had been her first and only one. Renji had long suspected this but never quite worked up the courage to ask. In any case, they both know it doesn't matter as long as they are each other's last.

**Touch:**

Even after all these years, his touch brings with it a combination of comfort and excitement she can't explain. She wonders what she ever did to deserve him. Renji is always quick to silence her whenever she takes up that topic in front of him.

**Weakness:**

"For the last time, Abarai, I can take care of myself out on the field!"

"I know, Rukia! I just… didn't want to take any chances…"

"Well, Mr. Captain of the Seventh Division, it might do you good to realize that there are others who need your chivalry more than your very capable wife."

**Belief:**

Ishida Uryu had never really believed in a particular deity, being the cynic that he was. Now though, he was forced to reconsider when greeted by the sight of the usually cold Kuchiki Byakuya smiling and chatting away with his former vice captain and brother-in-law at a local bar downtown. Some higher forces _must_ be at work here.

**Speed:**

Yoruichi was all too familiar with that look in the happy couple's eyes. And accordingly, she shunpo-ed out of the barracks as fast as she could. Most people knew the Abarais were trying for a baby again and no one needed to hear _all_ the details.

**Wind:**

"Some no mai, Tsukishiro… now hold still and ignore the cold air for a bit."

"Don't you think this is slightly overkill, Rukia?"

"Well, what am I supposed to do, seeing as there's no ice in the house and my intelligent, _captain_ husband has a paper cut?"

**Freedom:**

Having a child usually signifies the end of the parents' freedom. The child has to always be taken care of, provided for and loved, and the parents can never take any off days, holidays or vacations from their offspring. And though Rukia and Renji have not even admitted it to each other, they will be the happiest people in the universe when they exchange all the freedom in the world for their very own child.

**Life:**

_Dear Orihime, I'm sorry I haven't written in so long, but Renji and I have been so busy lately, we simply didn't realize how much time had passed. This is just a quick note with the hell butterfly to let you know we'll be in Karakura Town over the weekend. Maybe you and Ichigo could get Sado, Ishida and the rest together so we can hang out like old times? _

**Jealousy: **

She knows it's wrong but every time she sees a child trailing behind his or her parents, she feels an insane sort of jealousy followed by guilt and the reminder of what she can't have. Renji is perfectly aware of this and usually demonstrates his understanding by holding her close to him. He knows all too well the feeling of helplessness his wife tries to hide so often.

**Hands:**

"Orihime... can I hold him?

"Of course, Rukia-san."

"He has really small hands… "

**Taste:**

Abarai Renji used to have a taste for dangerous missions. Indeed, he cherished putting his life on the line every day and reveled in the thought that he might not make it back one day. Now, as he lectures a bunch of fresh Shino graduates in his squad about the dangers of being rash and not thinking, Renji realizes he must have grown old without knowing it.

**Devotion: **

Rukia has been offered the position of vice captain in the Third and Fifth Squads many times, but she still chooses to remain as Third Seat under Captain Ukitake. She may have some personal issues with her Ni-sama being so uptight, but she'll readily scratch out the eyes of anyone who dares say a word against Kuchiki Byakuya. Over the course of her life, she has been approached by many suitors – before and after her marriage – but the only home she ever wants to go back to is one where Renji is waiting.

**Forever: **

The idea of infinite life and never ending time used to scare him. He was always of the opinion that too much of anything can get painfully tedious after a while. But these nights, as he holds Rukia and hums her to sleep, the idea of lying with her for an eternity doesn't seem so bad.

**Blood:**

She hadn't told him that she stopped using birth control yet again in the hope that this time, it would work. She had also not told him she had been feeling life inside her for the last two months. And now, as another unborn child bleeds out of her, she's glad she didn't tell Renji about this one; no point in hurting him even more.

**Sickness:**

_Vice-Captain Kurotsuchi,_

_While we – the Captains and Vice-Captains of the Gotei Thirteen – appreciate your Captain's concern regarding the sixth squad Captain's recent health issues, we would also like to politely remind you that it does not fall under your squad's jurisdiction to decide who is fit for what job here in the Seireitei._

_Abarai Renji,_

_Captain, Squad Seven _

**Melody:**

After much contemplation, Ichigo and Orihime had decided to name their daughter Senritsu. Ichigo thought it was cruel, seeing as that was the name Rukia would have chosen had she had a baby girl, but Orihime knew better. She didn't try to explain though, men were strange like that.

**Star: **

"So Renji... what did you wish for?"

"Nothing, you?"

"Nothing."

**Home:**

"Renji, she does not have anyone… maybe we could give her a home?"

"Rukia, we have to consider the possibility that her parents are out there looking for her…"

"Just like _our_ parents were looking for _us_ when _we_ were on the streets?"

**Confusion: **

He wants the same thing Rukia does, he wants to take the child in and take care of her like a real parent would. But what if the child already has parents looking for her? If they came to take her back, it would break Rukia, and he was not brave enough to take that risk.

**Fear: **

Too many times, Rukia had expected to be a mother and had that joy cruelly taken from her by fate. And now, when she's finally starting to feel like one, she doesn't trust fate to let her have that happiness. That's why she checks on little Hisana as often as she does, though she'd never admit it to anyone.

**Lightning:**

The first time Hisana called Rukia "mommy" was right after a big clap of thunder tore across the sky, terrifying the little girl. The next flash of lightning only made her cling to Rukia more as the she patted the child's head and held her close. Renji had never been a fan of thunderstorms either but he couldn't help feeling grateful for this one.

**Bonds: **

Rukia had never known familial bliss. She did not remember her parents or sister, life with the Kuchikis had been too formal, and Renji had always been... Renji. But now, as she, her husband, and their little Hisana walk in the gardens, play in the nursery, or just eat at home, Rukia knows she's getting the full experience.

**Sordid:**

"I heard Captain Abarai stole a little girl from Rukon, because his wife wanted one so bad."

"I heard they bought the little girl using all that Kuchiki money - you do know the wife is also the sister of the Kuchiki clan's head, right?"

"I heard they hired assassins from the human world to kill the girl's parents, they're tight with the substitute Shinagami and his friends, you know?"

**Soliloquy:**

"Shut up, stupid!" Hisana screeched, pumping her tiny fists. She didn't care what the others kids at school said. She had a mommy and daddy and they were on their way to pick her up right now.

**Gift:**

"Mommy, Daddy, look what I made in school today! It's a drawing of everyone: you guys, Uncle Byakuya, Uncle Ichigo and Aunt Orihime and Hirako and Senritsu and Aunt Momo and everyone! Do you think they'll like it?"

**Smile:**

Kuchiki Byakuya was getting on in years and no one was more aware of that than he himself. He had been a cold and stoic man to begin with and now very few things made him smile. However, one thing that never failed to bring genuine happiness in his life was his younger sister and his niece, because who could not help smiling when little Hisana came running to show off her latest endeavors?

**Innocence:**

Renji sometimes wonders how Hisana will react when the full knowledge of what her parents do for a living sinks into her. As a rule, he and Rukia do not unsheathe their swords in front of her, nor do they engage in anything Shinigami-like while at home. The way they see it, the child might as well keep her innocence as long as she can.

**Completion:**

When Hisana was younger, Renji and Rukia always worried that her parents would appear out of nowhere and demand the child back. The worry had been constantly at the edge of their minds the first few years, though neither had voiced it aloud. It is only after so much time has passed that they dare to believe that Hisana will not be taken away, that she really was sent to them to complete their small family.

**Clouds:**

"Mom, do all Shinigami know how to fly? They look so cool up there, like they're walking on the clouds – do you think I can learn to do that some day?"

"Sure you can, if you want to."

**Sky:**

As they gazed out at the endless sky, they both reflected on how far they'd come. Rukia still remembers the day she met Renji on the streets, as he was on the hunt for food. Renji still remembers the way she winked mischievously, as she helped him steal said food.

**Near:**

"Daddy, how far is the Shino Academy from here?"

"Well, it's a bit of a trek unless you know shunpo."

"Oh… what's shunpo?"

**Natural:**

All around her, nature was taking its course. Her Ni-sama was going to retire next month, her daughter was getting ready to leave for the Shino Academy soon, and Rukia herself would have to step up as Captain of the Sixth Squad – a title no woman of the Kuchiki family had ever been allowed before. Sometimes she wonderes if, given the chance, she'd do things differently, but finds herself declining the fantasy every time – her life had turned out just the way she wanted it to, even if she hadn't realized it at first.

**Horizon: **

Sunrise was Renji's favorite time of day, and he was awake to watch it whenever he could afford to be. Rukia, who had known this for as long as she could remember, now made it a point to watch the sunrise with him. Because as the streaks of color stained the horizon, ushering in the sun, she couldn't help but feel that no matter what the day might bring, they'd be okay as long as they were together.

**Valiant:**

_Hey Kira, not that I don't appreciate you pummeling that Iba kid for me, but you should know I can take care of myself. – Hisana_

_Yes Abarai, I'm well aware of your combat skills but do I have to remind you the guy's practically a monster? Besides, I can't just sit back and watch that jerk now, can I? – Izuku_

**Virtuous:**

It was the time Renji had been dreading for a while now, the time every father must dread and hope he would never have to face by some miraculous stroke of luck. He knew Hisana was serious about this boy, which in itself wasn't so bad – she could do a lot worse than the son of Kira Izuru – but the fact that the girl will now need "the talk" was enough to make Renji sick. Briefly, he wondered if he could leave this one to Rukia alone, before resigning to the inevitable.

**Hair:**

"Sit still, Hisana **–** Aunt Rukia, how am I supposed to do her hair if she won't stop fidgeting?"

"Ouch, Senritsu-ni-chan, you're seriously hurting my scalp - training at Squad Eleven is nothing compared to the torture you're inflicting on me now!"

"Yes well, you need to look halfway decent for your engagement ceremony, and as for Squad Eleven, I'll personally send in a request to Captain Kusajishi to include this in the training program - she and mum go waaaay back."

**Defeat: **

Rukia watched her daughter walk down the length of the hall – trying hard not to trip over her ridiculously fussy kimono even while being supported by Melody – with tears in her eyes, and even Renji sounded unusually gruff beside her as their daughter made her way to the front where Izuku and his parents were waiting. They had both tried so hard to keep Hisana with them, fighting the entire world for her, and yet here she was, ready to move on from their life. But it wasn't defeat or failure the two were feeling, it was the pride that came with having raised a daughter so well that she was confident enough to move on and start her own.

**~~~~~~~~xxxxxx~~~~~~~~**

_A/N: This is my first foray into the Bleach fandom so I'd really appreciate any feedback you're willing to give. Thanks for reading! _


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